Everything to WhatsApp: Funny Messages

Nonveg Whatsapp Jokes

A newly married couple on their honeymoon night was trying to set up new password of their facebook account. The husband typed “MYpenis” and the wife was ROFL because on the screen it says, “Error. Not Long Enough.”

Jimmy brings his cat with him at schoon, principal asked- why is your cat at school today?

Jimmy started crying and said- because I heard my dad tell mah mother, ‘ I’m gonna eat da pussy once our son leave for school today!”

Mam catches jimmy copying:

Mam: leave your answer sheet and get out right now! I wouldn’t consider anything you say

Jimmy: Nice Boobs Mam

Phone Rings Late Night:

Hubby- Honey if anyone asks about me, then say I am not at home

Wife picked and said: He is at home

Hubby shouted: WTF… are u insane!!

Wife: Shut up! It was for me

Funny Questions to Ask on Whatsapp

Q. What you will call a blonde if she is blowing in another blonde’s ear?

A: Data transfer.

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Q. You have to make 7 an even number.. can you?

A. Delete the S from 7!

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A: "I was born in India."

B: "Which part?"

A: "All of me."

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Q: Name a thing that goes up and down but does not move?

A: Stairs

Drunk Husband Joke in English

A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night.
He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight.
He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.
He smashed the first bottle swearing,
“you are the reason I fight with my wife”.
He smashed the second bottle,
“you are the reason I don’t love my children”.
He smashed the third bottle,
“you are the reason I don’t have a decent job”.
When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full.
He hesitated for only a moment and said
“you stand aside, I know you were not involved”.

Funny Joke in English

A girl at bus-stop spotted a handsome man and without hesitation she told ” i love u”
Man placed his hand on her head: ” this love and infatuation all are nothing,
Go back to ur home and study hard so that u can lead a successful life”
Man then placed a piece of paper in her hand:” i have written some wisdom for you. Read before u sleep” and went away..
Girl went back to hostel with tears and before sleep she opens the paper.
“Are you blind?my wife was standing behind me..anyways this is my number call me anytime..by the way.. i love u too!”
MEN ARE MEN..

WhatsApp Special Funny Birthday Joke

Suresh changed the subject to “Happy birthday Kalpesh ”
Suresh – Happy bday Kalpesh
Raju- Happy bday Kalpesh
Ganesh – Happy bday Kalpesh
Rhohit – Happy bday Kalpesh
sagar – Happy bday Kalpesh
Neha : hb
Rahul: happy birthday kalpesh
Yogesh: happy b kalpesh
Pintya: happy birthday kalpesh
Jitendra: happy birthday kalpesh

Kalpesh – thanks Neha..
Suresh changed the subject to “kalpesh F*****F “

Boy’s funny proposal to a girl

A boy went to propose a girl
Boy : Hey baby, I love u..!! Will you marry me?
Girl : What’s ur status??
Boy : I m the owner of my own big village and I have 1 security,own army,gold mine and wine
Girl : Love you 2 honey. yes Yes
After marriage…
Girl asked the boy where is your village…
And the Boy opens Clash of Clans

Women will be women

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken 2 the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up ?”
God said, “No, you have another 34 years to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
& have a face-lift surgery, liposuction, & tummy tuck. She even changed her hair color
Finally she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.
Arriving in front of God, she asked,
“You said I had another 34 years to live.
Why didn’t you save me from the truck?”
(You’ll love this)
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God replied:
“I couldn’t recognize you!”

One Man Coming In Bar.

Man: “One Vodka Price”
Bar Man: “Rs. 5/- Sir”
Man: “What Only Rs. 5/-? Can I Also Have One Plate Kebabs Please?”
Bar Man: “Rs. 7/- Sir”
Man: “Wow That’s Really Cheap, Can I Meet The Owner?”
Bar Man: “No Sir, He’s Busy With My Girlfriend”
Man: “What’s He Doing With Your Girlfriend?”
Bar Man: “The Same Thing That I’m Doing To His Business Here“

Best day to propose a girl

Hey U Know
Which is the best day to propose a girl.. April 1
U Know Why??
If she accept its your luck
otherwise just tell April Foooooll.

Three Fastest Means Of Communication:

1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell A Woman
Bonus: Need Still Faster – Tell Her Not To Tell Anyone.

If every child starts swapping their mummy papa mobile phones. Soon we will become the country with the highest divorce rate!

Laugh, until U have teeth..
U can Smile Later!!!funny English sms!

U are a BITCH

Beautiful
Intelligent
Talented
Cute
Hilarious

r u smiling now?
?
?
?
*YOU ARE REALLY BITCH*

Awesome Saying:

In Life,Don’t Be A Rat In A Rat Race Coz Even If You Win You’ll Still Be A Rat,
Instead Be With Lions, Even If You Lose You’ll Still Be A Lion!

Teacher : Correct the sentence,

“A bull and a cow is grazing in the field”

Student : “A cow and a bull is grazing in the field”
Teacher : How?

Student : Ladies first.

What’s the similarity between Income Tax and a Caller Tune?

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In both the cases, one pays the money and others enjoy.

The reason why most of the men Wants to kiss on LIPS… Funny ANSWER

The reason why most of the men prefer to KISS women’s lips..
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Thats the best & probably the only way to shut a woman’s mouth for at least some seconds:)

Y r u so opposite to me?

When i say tea,u say coffee!
I say white,u say black!
I went to dental hospital,u went to mental hospital!
I came back and u still there!

Sardar Love With Nurse

One Sardar love with a nurse.
HE writes love letter.
He writes,”I Love you Sister”.

I bought a new printer because

it was cheaper than ink refills.
Now I’m wondering how long before
new cars are cheaper than fuel.

What Is The Best Punishment For A Girl?

Give Her New Clothes, Matching Jewellry And Nice Cosmetics

And Then Lock Her In A Room Without A Mirror.

What Is The Best Punishment For A Boy?

Give Him A Mobile With A Lot Of Girl’s Phone Numbers,

And Unlimited Credit & Put Him In A Place Where There’s No Network.

Boys are stronger than Girls??

Ohh Please !!
No Ways!!!
Can they carry 8kg of shopping bag?
Can they go a week eating only salad?
Can they face a heart break?

If You Look At The Sky Tonight

And Notice That The Brightest Star Is Missing,
I Swear I Have No Clue
How The Hell I Fell From Sky But I’m OK
Santa: My wife is a very careful driver.
Banta: How do you know that?
Santa: She always slows down when passing a red light!